Maimouphobia
by Alex E. Andras
Summary: First of the ‘Phobia’ series. Sawyer discovers a monkey out in the jungle. And we discover Jack’s worst fear. One shot.


Summary: First of the 'Phobia' series. Sawyer discovers a monkey out in the jungle. And we discover Jack's worst fear.

* * *

Maimouphobia

Sawyer stalked through the thick forest that covered much of the island. He held a long bamboo stick in one hand, and dry mud created tribalmarkings on his face and bare chest as he crept through the undergrowth. A sudden sound, the snap of a twig, caused Sawyer to spin around, bamboo spear raised and ready to attack

"Freckles?" he questioned, lowering his weapon. The woman was unable to reply, to busy laughing, the fruit she had been carrying had fallen to the ground, and was rolling around at her feet

"What do. You. Look. Like?" she gasped out between laughs, Sawyer pulled a face

"Yeah, yeah," he snapped "Laugh it up Freckles."

"I'm sorry Sawyer." She managed to say between the waves of laughter "It's just. You look so…" she cut herself off with a fresh set of giggles and slid to the ground, wiping tears from her eyes. Sawyer turned away from her, his eyes scanning the ground. Kate lapsed into silence, slowly gathering up the fruit.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked "What needs you to look like such a…" she fumbled for a word "Freak."

"Quiet Freckles." Sawyer grunted "You'll scare them off."

"Them?" Kate asked, rising to her feet, the fruit in her arms "You're hunting aren't you? Even after you couldn't shoot that poor boar last time, you're going to try now? With a bamboo spear? Oh, this I've got to see…"

"Look Kate." Sawyer hissed, spinning to face her "I don't need you chasing me around, scaring off my kill."

"Well sorry." Kate snapped back "I'll leave you to your 'hunt' then. Don't want to ruin the caveman's fun." and she stamped off

"Ug!" Sawyer grunted after her, wanting to have the last word, and he turned back to focus on his tracking.

X

It was much later that day when Sawyer came back from his 'hunting'. Kate was sitting close to his tent, waiting for him to come back so that she could tease him about his lack of luck with hunting.

"Oh Sawyer." She said with mock sympathy "Not only did you not get us a nice boar, but you lost your spear as well."

"Don't patronize me, Freckles." Sawyer said curtly, turning his body away from her slightly in an effort to hide something. It didn't quite work.

"Sawyer?" Kate asked immediately, sitting up straighter "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing." He replied quickly, Kate's eyes narrowed

"Well it's a hairy nothing." She accused, "You didn't capture a baby boar, did you?"

"No."

"Then what is it?" You didn't steal a polar bear kill did you? 'Cause I'm not saving you're ass if it comes back for it later."

"Freckles, I wouldn't do something stupid like that." Sawyer defended himself, Kate raised an eyebrow, not believing him. After all, he still had some of his mud tribal markings on him

"Whatever it is Sawyer, let it go." This simple statement turned the strong man into a child, he turned watery, child like eyes on her

"No!" he snapped out like a two year old, complete with a stamp of his foot "Bert is my friend! You can't take him from me!"

"Bert?" Kate mouthed, her lips curving up into a smile. Sawyer nodded, and turned his body to face her, a small monkey was wrapped around his arms.

"Oh!" she squeaked "A monkey! Where'd you find it?"

"I found _her _in the jungle." Sawyer replied "Where else, Freckles?"

"You named a female monkey Bert?" Kate shook her head" Now I've seen everything."

"Leave Bert alone!" Sawyer yelled as the monkey leapt nimbly up his arm and perched on his shoulder, chattering noisily.

"What's going on?" Jack's voice sailed over to them, and the pair turned to look at him

"Sawyer's found a monkey." Kate said calmly, settling down on the ground again. Jack paled

"A monkey?" he asked

"Yes Jack-ass." Sawyer replied, pointing to Bert on his shoulder "A monkey. You know what they are don't you?"

"Of course." Jack replied, eyes narrowed as he took a tiny step back. "I think you should let it go."

"Let _her_ go." Sawyer corrected "No can do, Captain. Bert stays." Kate rolled her eyes, mouthing the word 'Bert' to herself.

"Sawyer." Jack said firmly, trying to hide the quiver in his voice "Put it back in the jungle. It could have diseases."

"So could the boar we ate last night and you don't hear me complaining." Sawyer replied tersely, swaggering over to Jack, who took another step back "What you gonna do, Jack?" he asked cockily "Confiscate her?"

"Well." Jack started, stepping further away, sweat begin to bead on his forehead "No. But…"

"What's wrong, Jack-ass?" Sawyer asked, stepping closer still, lowering his voice "Scared of Bert?" Jack didn't reply, his eyes frantically searching for an exit, and Sawyer's jaw dropped for a moment before he grin

"You are!" he cried joyfully "Jack-o here's scared of monkeys!" he broke into fits of laughter, stumbling forwards slightly. Jack emitted a squeak of fear, turned-tail and fled.

X

Sometime later, Kate was still sitting in the shade close to Sawyer's tent, reading one of his many books, when a loud, high-pitched scream set up from the caves. She sighed, setting the book to one side as she stood, brushing sand from her clothes as she took the path to the caves.

"Come on Jack!" Sawyer shouted happily "Say 'hi' to Bert!" he chased Jack into the caves, the monkey in question balanced precariously on his shoulder. Jack screamed again and dashed to the back of the cave, skidding to his knees and cowering in fear.

"SAWYER!" A scream came from the entrance to the cave and the man turned

"Freckles!" he yelled back to the silhouette at the entrance "Nice to see you! What can I do for you?" Kate marched in hands on her hips.

"Hand over the monkey." She said, Sawyer looked confused

"What?" he said

"Hand. Over. The. _Monkey_." Kate repeated slowly, stressing the last word. Sawyer's face fell, and he pulled the animal into his arms

"No!" He shouted "Bert's mine! No one can take her away!"

"Sawyer!" Kate yelled "You've been chasing Jack around with the poor creature all day! Now pass me the damn monkey!"

Sawyer, begrudgingly, did as he was told, his head tipping forwards as Bert scampered up Kate arm, pulling gently at her hair. Jack stood up slowly

"Now," Kate started slowly "I'm going to keep 'Bert' with me. If you're good, I'll let you have her back tomorrow." Sawyer nodded glumly, shuffling out of the cave and sniffing loudly. Jack walked forwards, a wary eye on the primate on Kate's shoulder and laughed happily

"Yes!" he shouted after Sawyer "Serves you right!" he laughed loudly, throwing his head back for maximum effect. Kate frowned, looking from the monkey to the laughing man near her, and a slow, evil smile made its way onto her face

"Jack." she said softly, backing him into a corner "Let me introduce you to my little friend, Bert."

Jack's girlish screams could be heard well into the night.


End file.
